Posted on

Next Season on Survivor

Have you heard about the next planned “Survivor” show?

Three businessmen and three businesswomen will be dropped in an elementary school classroom for 1 school year. Each business person will be provided with a copy of his/her school district’s curriculum, and a class of 28 – 32 students.

Each class will have a minimum of five learning-disabled children, three with A.D.D., one gifted child, and two who speak limited English. Three students will be labeled with severe behavior problems.

Each business person must complete lesson plans at least 3 days in advance, with annotations for curriculum objectives and modify, organize, or create their materials accordingly. They will be required to teach students, handle misconduct, implement technology, document attendance, write referrals, correct homework, design and decorate bulletin boards, compute grades, complete report cards, document benchmarks, communicate with parents, and arrange parent conferences. They must also stand in their doorway between class changes to monitor the hallways.

In addition, they will complete fire drills, tornado drills, and [Code Red] drills for shooting attacks each month.

They must attend workshops, faculty meetings, and attend curriculum development meetings. They must complete all paperwork in triplicate to discuss a student who might have a disorder or disability or anything thing else that sends up red flags in behavior and knowledge acquisition. Additionally, they must be on numerous committees and even be in charge of some.

They must also tutor students who are behind and strive to get their 2 non-English speaking children proficient enough to take the standardized tests. If they are sick or having a bad day they must not let it show.

Each day they must incorporate reading, writing, math, science, and social studies into the program. They must maintain discipline and provide an educationally stimulating environment to motivate students at all times. If all students do not wish to cooperate, work, or learn, the teacher will be held responsible.

The business people w ill only have access to the public golf course on the weekends, but with their new salary, they may not be able to afford it. There will be no access to vendors who want to take them out to lunch, and lunch will be limited to thirty minutes, which is not counted as part of their work day. The business people will be permitted to use a student restroom, as long as another survival candidate can supervise their class.

If the copier is operable, they may make copies of necessary materials before, or after, school. However, they cannot surpass their monthly limit of copies. The business people must continually advance their education, at their expense, and on their own time.

The winner of this Season of Survivor will be allowed to return to their job even though they only have a satisfactory evaluation.

Advertisements

3 responses to “Next Season on Survivor

  1. jody

    You forgot about head lice. Nobody has really worked with large grops of children uless thay have gottten/been exposed to head lice. The treatment resistant kind. Make them study pix of nits too, and bites, make them look at heads….

    mu u ah hahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

  2. jody

    “groups” not “grops”

  3. jody

    BTW damn clever post
    esp. for a dirty referendum lover which you probably are

Comments are closed.